Sunday, April 19, 2009

We all have experienced disappointment. Tips to help cope with and avoid it.

Everyone has been disappointed by a person or an event at one time in their life or another. You can call me to talk about a situation you need help finding 'the light' in at How to deal with and perhaps avoid disappointment is not easy. Here are some tips.

It may be something someone does, or doesn't do, says or an event may not go the way you planned. Sometimes it's really no big deal and you can brush it of your shoulder. But for those times when you really get let down, like 'the world will end' type of let down how do you cope? If the person or event that has disappointed you was done by accident, mistake or lack of knowledge and not out of malice or it was their intention to set out and make you upset by letting you down, then you have to know how to handle a person or situation when it was not intentional but you got disappointed anyway. Therefore, it starts with YOU.
Here are a few things to remember. You are allowed to get upset, mad or cry. If your expectations are reasonable, it's is only natural to get hurt. After all, if we didn't set goals or aspirations for a person or event, by what caliber do we judge if something is successful or fulfilling? So to set our expectations at a reasonable level with goals in mind with your 'high' expectation and 'low' expectation of what you feel would be acceptable for you to be happy with, ahead of time, is key in handling a potential disappointment.
Don't set your goals too high. Remember, be reasonable. Don't think because you have an event everyone will show up, act like you want them to act, dress 'appropriately' or say what you want them say. For example, you may have a big birthday or gathering planned. You have worked hard at getting everything perfect... the food, the place, the decor, etc. You invite lots of people and as you are planning, you may start imagining how you want everything to be. When the day arrives, some people don't show up, some people are not dressed in the proper attire, some people lack social etiquette and heck, a fight may even break out! Don't let these things stress you or ruin YOUR good time. Anticipation from the beginning that many scenarios may take place and how to handle them is very important with your personal 'damage control' of a situation. Get over it, and get over it quick. Tell yourself 'this is not going to ruin my day'. It really sounds like 'yea that will work...' but trust me, if you don't move forward, as they say 'the show must go on', then it will just fester and turn the whole event bad. DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF!
It is after all YOUR event in which you put a lot of work into! However, try to remember, sometimes, people have last minute things that happen to them that prohibit them from coming. When some of your closest friends or family ditch you at the last minute for something they couldn't control, don't turn inward. Don't get mad at them for 'ruining your day'. If they could not come for some reason it is not about you. Try to understand if it were you, you wouldn't want them to be mad at you for not coming because of an issue you could not control. But what IS about you, is the rest of the people who will be there and going on with the event. Sure, you are disappointed, but don't bring that into the happy occasion which is what everyone came together for in the first place. Move forward! Don't dwell on it. Spending the time with the rest of the people there will make you forget about who couldn't make it as long as you allow yourself to have a great time.
How do you deal with being disappointed in an individual? You must remember, an individual person can be the biggest variable. Anything can happen to someone at any time due to a physical resaon, emotional or financial reason to name a few. Typically you set your expectations around what you know about someone. You know who you can go to for watching your kids or your pets and who definitely NOT to go to as well ... Right? LOL! Really evaluate what you are asking of someone and their personal threshold for being dependable or reliable for that task. You cannot expect someone to do something as you ask, exactly as you would do it. You must allow for leeway. People are not perfect and no one will do something as you would. As long as you keep this in mind: Are they acting in good will? Are they using sound judgement? Do they have the experience necessary? If someone has done their best, and it may be a FAR CRY from what you would have done, you cannot get disappointed with THEM. You can FEEL disappointed with their actions and explain what you would have done or what the 'generally accepted correct way' to do something is, but you can't hold it over their head.
Don't feel sorry for yourself or allow yourself to get depressed when you get let down by someone... chances are it is not a 'personal attack' on you. For whatever the reason someone disappointed you or they didn't live up to your expectations, you need to evaluate your reason for getting disappointed. Try not to let a bad day coupled with this person getting you down, allows you take it out on them or blame them. Other events in our lives sometimes make us feel more sensitive to getting hurt or let down by someone.
Remember, no one is obligated to make you happy. You have to create your own happiness. It starts with the decisions you make and paths you choose. Do not be selfish. Do not expect other people to be responsible for your well being. Once you have taken that responsibility, which that person never knew they had anyway, you will be less likely to be let down.
When we are disappointed, at that very moment, it's not so easy to smile, and say 'OK. Whatever. I won't let this get me down'.But you must, so you can move forward and allow another door to open to allow positive energy to flow in.
If you have a situation that you can't get past, find it hard to cope, or think reasonably about because you are so close to the situation and you need someone to talk to, you can call me on I can help you to feel better and move on. When our heart is affected, we don't think or see clearly. Let me help you navigate a crummy situation that got you down. You need to be happy...and you can be!!! Many blessings!